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Find out how to use discipline effectively without resorting to smacking
In 2004, section 58 of the Children Act legally allowed parents to use "reasonable chastisement" with their children, as long as any smacking did not leave any visible marks, bruises or scratches, in which case a parent could face five years in jail.
This has proved a highly contentious ruling, with charities such as NSPCC and members of the medical profession speaking out against smacking children, saying it does nothing to deter bad behaviour and is tantamount to child abuse. In essence, why is illegal to physically assault an adult, but legal to hit a child?
25% smack their children
But when the Department for Children, Schools and Families conducted a recent survey among 2,000 parents, it revealed that 25 per cent of parents have smacked their children and almost 60 per cent believe they should be legally be allowed to.
Discipline continues to be one of the hottest chat room discussions on parenting websites, while programmes such as Supernanny and House of Tiny Tearaways reveal an anxiety among parents about how to manage difficult behaviour from their children. To smack or not is a debate with no clear resolution: even parents who don't think that smacking should be outlawed usually don't want to smack their children. So what are the alternative strategies for disciplining bad behaviour?
Time out or "The Naughty Step"
Probably the most commonly recognised form of discipline. The child is removed from a situation and put in a specific place for a set length of time, to reflect on their unacceptable behaviour. They will usually have to offer an apology before they can rejoin the previous activity.
Taking something away
It is easy to reward a child's good behaviour, but sometimes taking something away from a child who has behaved badly can have more impact. This could involve confiscating a favourite toy for a set period of time or removing a privilege such as having a friend round to play. One technique is to put seven pebbles in a jar and to remove one for each example of unacceptable behaviour (with set rules about warnings). If any pebbles are left in the jar by the end of the week, a treat can be given. If not, they have failed to earn their treat.
But are there also techniques for diverting problem behaviour before it even starts?
Penelope Leach, childcare expert and author, argues that nurturing a confident, secure and happy child is the path to making long-term discipline much easier. She advocates the idea of positive parenting where punishment and control over children is replaced with encouragement and a consistency of approach. Most parents would agree with this in theory, but might find it daunting to put into practice.
Don't Just Say No!
Try to respond to the positive rather than the negative. Rather than saying 'No' all the time, with little success, why not try to diffuse an explosive situation? Explain why you are asking them not to do something or offer an alternative course of action.
For example, when your 2 ½ year old keeps fiddling with the buttons on the cooker, you could say: "I won't allow you to play with the cooker because it might be hot and I don't want you to get hurt." Then you could make a pretend oven together out of a cardboard box and some milk carton lids for them to play with while you cook. By avoiding getting into a power struggle with your child, you may find they actually accept a lot of what you ask them to do.
Pick Your Battles
If you don't expect perfect behaviour from your child, you are less likely to feel upset by every misdemeanour, big or small. Often children don't mean to behave badly, so too much criticism could be confusing and end up having a negative impact on their behaviour. Focus on confronting something about their behaviour that really troubles you, while letting some of the smaller things go. But make sure you are consistent with the rules you set: mixed messages confuse small children.
Of course, the age of the child has a huge bearing on how to use discipline – a baby has no understanding of cause and effect and so cannot learn anything from punishment. A toddler may respond well to being removed from a situation that was causing them to act up but may behave in exactly the same way the next time the same situation arises.
An older child may decide to carry on with their bad behaviour despite being grounded. The challenge for the parent is to set the ground rules while being sensitive to their child's ever-changing needs and attempting to see the world through their eyes. Do this and you may see a smack as a form of discipline you no longer need.
By Sophie Hetherington
