Working mums v happy housewives

Can you have it all? Decide what's the best option for you

We often hear about women who think they can 'have it all' – job, kids, the whole package. In reality there are areas of contention for every situation, but whichever you find yourself in, there are things you can do to make life easier for you, your children and your family as a whole.

Full time-workers

• See if there is any potential for you to work flexible hours: by law your employer is obliged to consider any application for flexible working and, if your proposed terms are not met, come up with cast-iron reasons why the working arrangement wouldn't be feasible. Meet your boss halfway: if you are asking to juggle your hours so you can go to a school play, for example, try to arrange cover from another member of staff. You can always return the favour on another occasion.
• Plan ahead to take your holidays when you know there is an important event looming for your child: the nativity play; his first day at nursery or school; special club events and so on.
• Set aside some of your salary for family treats if possible: stash away cash for special days out; short breaks or trips to the cinema. This will assuage your guilt to a degree, especially if you choose to do things you wouldn't be able to afford without your income.

Part-timers

• Make a very clear definition between your working life and your home life: part-time workers often face unreasonable demands on their time, and can find that too often work comes home with them. Try not to spend more hours in the office than you're contracted to do, just so you can keep on top of the job.
• Make the most of days with your child: don't try to squeeze in lots of housework. Instead, take yourself right out of the house whenever you can, so you can really focus on your time together.
• Try to arrange contingency cover for when your child is ill so you don't have to take too much unscheduled time off: if you are lucky enough to have parents or in-laws nearby, they can make fantastic stand-by childcarers.

Stay-at-homers

• Don't get too bogged down in baby- and child-related activities: it can be depressing not to speak to another adult all day, so build in time for meeting up with other mums, too.
• Try to cultivate a new interest that is outside of babycare: an evening class, correspondence course or home-based hobby can help you to feel fulfilled in ways other than motherhood alone.
• Remember to treat yourself occasionally: just because you're not bringing in money, you're contributing a great deal otherwise and are still entitled to new clothes, a haircut and lunch out from time to time.

By Hilary Pereira of Netmums.com